To Those Nights

And what is there to do, but douse myself with more alcohol?
I don’t know how else to rouse these ashes within me.
People scream “shots!”, over and over
Until I’m crawling around, looking for bullets.
I spilt my dignity somewhere along with my fourteenth tequila;
I’d look for it, but I think I’ve spent too long on my knees tonight already.

People whisper (not so quietly)
“She’s that girl”, as if they’ve never been here,
As if they’ve never had a night of wanting to forget what it means to exist,
Of wanting to smother their feelings with a plastic bag,
Of wanting to rend their nerve endings.
They think between these sweaty bodies I can’t hear them-
I wish I couldn’t

I see men eyeing my chest, and I pull down my top a little lower.
His hands run up my legs,
I know somewhere deep down that his fingers are too far
But I don’t stop him-
It’s been a while since someone has noticed the shape of my waist.
I give a smile so sweet he wonders how my teeth have not yet decayed;
The air is hot with steamy breaths
And I iron lipstick stains onto his collar.

3AM, my mother thinks I am fast asleep in bed,
But I am still stumbling down highways, wondering how I came to be so alone alive.
There is only so much time left
Before these lips forget how to smile, forget how to kiss again,
And I am so afraid of having to peel off these sticky clothes,
For this pulsing in my ears to stop, to have to hear my thoughts again,
And oh no I think I can already feel faint stings of regret;
Sobriety is so cold, so silent.

Maybe if I run fast enough, I can still break free from this skin that imprisons me,
Because from where I’m placed, this street doesn’t appear to ever end.
So I tell myself,
Run and run, baby don’t you dare stop,
And I shout to the wind that grapples for my hair-
Try and catch me now

Femme Fatale

Midnight,
Stilettos click like latches against red brick,
Scarlet talons filed into right-angles.
Pomegranate breasts heavy with tantalising secrets,
Fiery hair tousled, but not from the wind.
Purrs with blazing eyes,

I am vicious in every way that I am vivacious
Poisonous in all my poise

Embellish me with your touch,
And spill Grey Goose down my throat.
Walk your fingers up my thighs
(One more inch, don’t be afraid now)-
Closer, until you can taste my cigarette smoke.
Unclasp my claret lips with your tongue, use it to pull out the words you want to hear,
And I in turn will leave a scar on yours
(But be careful now honey-
That’s not lipstick you see there).

Tattoo your lips into my neck-
We don’t need pills to fall asleep,
Just breathe in my scent, my perfume.
Oh it’s sweet, oh it’s good,
Yes darling, it’s chloroform.

Celestial

It is said that to write a letter to the moon, you have to fold it 42 times.
I have written letters that have been folded 43, 50 times, just to be safe-
Telling it how we fell asleep counting stars, until numbers lost meaning;
Drank in the moonlight until we were but intoxicated on lustre.

I should think that if I could, I’d tip the entire world upside down, just so I could live in the sky.
And maybe you’d join me, because that way, we’d be able to sleep in the crescent of the moon, and orbit planets until we were dizzy with rapture;
Use stars to skip across galaxies, and chase shooting stars until we found the very boundaries of the universe.

Does the moon know, that time and time again, I find myself scaling trees,
Believing naively that if I conquered the highest one, I’d be able to touch the sky.
And though I grip at trunks with blistered palms,
More often than not, I found myself back at its roots,
Nursing Earth-kissed bruises and twig-drawn scratches.

And so I ask the moon one last time-
Why is it that I can’t find my balance?
And that’s when I hear it whisper,
Its voice carried on wisps of evening wind,

My sweet child, don’t you ever be deceived into believing you lost your footing.
No, if others ever ask you, you tell them you were simply swept off your feet
By this feeling I can only describe as eternity.

I Hope December Brings You…

I hope December brings you reflection,
And you understand that this dizziness in your head from the long and winding road you’re on
Is not from being led astray;
No, it is from being overwhelmed with a myriad of possibilities.
You are not on the road to nowhere-
You are on the road to everywhere.

I hope December brings you audacity,
As you dare to ask the universe for more.
And whether it is snowflakes or sand grains that you catch with your cupped hands,
I hope you know that there will never be dreams too big to fit into your asking palms.

I hope December brings you the ability to stop restraining grudges that have long been ready to be released,
And you learn to understand that sometimes it’s not about letting go, but more about setting yourself free.
I hope you finally stop running away from secrets that have long since stopped chasing you,
Because sometimes coming to a standstill is the only way for you to feel the delirium of your heart,
To pause, in amongst this thicket of Christmas trees, and find the holly berries.

I hope you are no longer the naïve little girl who loved words too much and believed everything you were told,
But I hope you are still innocent enough to fall asleep on the 24th secretly hoping for Santa to come down the chimney.
And on the night of the 31st, I hope you’ll look at the embers of this year that has passed,
Warm your fingers on the dwindling flames of everything your heart has glowed for this year,
And with the sparks, set off fireworks
To propel yourself into the new year.

From Here On Out

Darling, cover your ears;
That way, we won’t have to listen to the tick tocks of the universe.
I know we’re not cheating time when we throw a sheet over all the clocks in this world,
And running against the wind, or swimming into oncoming waves,
Does not mean we’re resisting this force called time.
But still, know that I’d shatter entire hourglasses,
Surrender all my remaining seconds,
Just to snatch the grain that is this moment,
And throw it into the depths of the ocean for safeguarding.

Because oh, I know something like this is fleeting, this is only ephemeral.
Asking this to last is like asking the sky not to darken at night,
And maybe my clutching it tighter now
Will only make it that much tougher to unfurl my fingers later.

But darling, please, answer me this-
How do you teach your body to stop needing oxygen?

Ruin with Love

Did you hear the stars strike midnight?
That means it’s a new day;
That means we have yet another twenty four hours to break each other’s hearts.

To scream sweet nothings with eyes steeped in poison,
And speak with tongues too thick with undertones to flow from the mouth.
Shatter slivers of mistakes against fiery cheeks,
The rims of our jawlines dripping with red juice from misunderstandings.

To spit out apologies later like bitter aftertastes,
Split lips with the knives we plunged into each other’s spines;
Lips pressed against lips, lips pressed against skin, skin pressed against skin,
Until we’re numb all over.

Strangle with our intertwined fingers this fickle little thing we call love,
Knowing we’ve wrecked each other enough already,
But craving the thunder of dynamites too much to stop.
Oblivious to knowing we were only one regret away from the real deal,
And fall asleep at the night to whispers of a better yesterday.

Sunrises

Darling, look at the sunrise over there,
Look at the smudges of colours that can’t help but melt into one another.
Explain to me why artists still can’t quite replicate something nature whips up every single morning without fail,
And tell me you still don’t believe miracles exist.

Now in this depiction of perfection,
Look at the way the sun brazenly peeps over the horizon.
Watch the sky blush hues of fire amidst this shining lustre,
Feel tinges of the sun’s luminescence kiss alight shadowed silhouettes,
With its rays that reach out to tickle goose bumps on shivering skin.

And finally, turn around and tell me
That this is how we should live;
Tell me there is no such thing as brakes as our hearts catch on fire hurtling towards everything we love.
Tell me that this existence we share, these bright burning beings of brilliance
Will never know darkness, even when night comes,
Because we’ll chase the sun around the world, never having to watch it set.

Whisper in my ear that there is only here, and there is only now;
Tuck everything else into the back of my mind as a blurred figment of my imagination.