midnight iridescence

aren’t we still young
enough to have everything we can get our hands on?
but say you’ve stopped searching and i’ll put away the telescope
don’t you know by now how truly this laugh belongs to you
pulled from a hollow of my body only you can find
spun to wrap around every single one of the jokes you make
overspilling like if an ocean were poured into an empty river bed
i rush to catch it in my mouth
your open lips giving mine another breath to catch
a voice folding like evening fog until it covers my entire body to sleep
promise to visit my dreams and i’ll pray for arms
strong enough to pull you through into the morning
that smells of more than smoke and mirrors
the windows clean enough to let through sunlight
we’ll wake up in the city we balance on our tongues
name metro stations so far we won’t be able to find our way home
and even you are lost in an alley so foreign, so late
we could never be strangers again

metamorphosis

still a silhouette weighing like an ache that
yearns to be written into words
the pile of love letters in the desk corner
an sos for anyone whose heart still has enough
untouched land to call home
his smile glimpsed in the flash of a light change
a midnight street crossing and i am young
but not this young to fall again inside a kaleidoscope
sealed into a november evening

the bravura of a violin concerto brushing back my hair
bare hands breaking open old habits to bottle
let the rain tonight sing songs other than missing you
unclasp the hammer wedged beneath my teeth
because there is nothing left to fix, but so much to build
let my tongue be a cocoon, not a nail
not penning the words to bring him back home

with you the light always falls in the right places
so much honey we forget about sunset
and it stays golden all through the night
the water ripples so soft i mistake it for being still
your body so close i mistake it for being mine
and you say
it’s not a mistake

something to hold

because there was time to kill
somewhere in a room
with roller blinds soft enough to let in sunlight
a glow so hushed even cortisol does not speak
above a whisper all day
with a voice that folds itself
into an infinite loop and i am always listening
to the streets steeped in rain and it is your hand i reach for
on the sand and my head joins the moonlight
resting on your shoulder
wearing my sweater
over and over so it will never stop smelling like you
show them this laughter, spilt borderless
enough to break the dam
and there is enough here to drown
in your lips tonight
kiss me in every rural town
until the sunset changes its mind and it is summer forever

like fish to water

tonight is feeling vulnerable and
i don’t want you to be two years away
wearing moonlight and lying in cotton sheets
the hues of your voice threading
a softness i wish i could be hugged by
i speak and speak but there are
not enough words
to build a hand to hold

so play a key to unlock the pianos and
write a fantasia so red
they’ll see spilt wine scrawled on bold walls
splashed over shower thoughts and 3am giggles
speech soaked to start the same and silenced
only when you kiss me light-bodied
a nocturne so blue
we’re drawn to a beach where it is dark
you’ve picked me up and i’ve let you pay
the shore stretching on for seconds
consecutive thirds and perfect fifths

i think i am ready to leave
the candle light flicker and melt
into the magma once more
we can cross borders instead of minds, fall
off the grid into vibrant monochrome and return
to the city we hold beneath our tongues
chase sixteen subway lines to an alley so foreign
so late, i almost mistake it for a dream

but then there is your voice, glowing scarlet
settling onto my cheekbones and it is so real
say one day you will let me win and
finally tell me everything
wrap stars around the syllables of my name, then
memorise a constellation into my eyes
that i am your horoscope, and vice versa
like fish to water

man

silence, man’s favourite food for you
feeds you every time you call
eating more but becoming less
ride up the hem to let them see skin
draping over your ribcage
so you never forget where you came from
only a part of something so much more whole

man likes to see the top of your head
your wings his favourite punching bag
fingers leashed around your neck
pray your knees bruised

swallow
the words you want to speak
swallow
everything about him

smile, but don’t show too much teeth
dentist hands hunting for a cavity
filling you with sweet lies

waiting for him is still time spent with him
11pm, the first time you hear from him all day
man likes it when you wait
for him, but not for your first time

give, give, give
he asks your camera lens dirty

man loves it best when he pushes you off a cliff
so he can talk about saving you

overwritten

like how i mistake a scar for a bookmark to remind me
where we left off, a raised white line on my skin
with lips my fingers trip over every time i try to move on
no matter how many times it heals over
pry it open when i forget the colour of november
the warmth rushing to embrace my hands, like if you
hold water to thirst it will always thank you
even if today it is only blood, i think it cannot bleed this much
without you reminiscing too, even just a graze
then tomorrow, a wound i sing to sleep
refusing to close, not while there are still apologies
to be pulled out from my mouth
my tongue writhing to form another name
and i realise i have never cried before
and i no longer have a right to
so let me bring a knife to this once more
this time, tell me how it ends
about rain that fell like there was a fire to be put out
too passionate for the leaf
who had only ever known the caress of dew
let it heal an exit wound
beneath where my pendant hangs
and when this body is finally handed off to another
when he sings songs into my collarbone hollow
and asks about it
call it just another chapter

there is another to overwrite this story now
at a horizon on the other side
with the sunrise we never got to see
give it to her to hold
and with it your good mornings
tell her not to be afraid
to jump into the ocean
because i think you are ready
and i think you will catch her this time

lights out

it’s been so long that every silhouette
has begun to look like you
the distance, waiting
to be reduced to nothing between us

let us walk in the darkness, pretend it hasn’t been so long
in this city that’s home to neither you nor me
and find a space
here for us, somewhere
tucked in the skyline
like that of a desktop wallpaper

we can be background lovers
like an orbit that pushes and pulls with time
but never breaks
let the other men look
you will always be the one i wait for

someday, when we are ready for each other
away from the cameras
in a light that presses as soft as your cheek
the phones, silent
and this time i really will lose an earring

but tonight it ends with a hush
a platform moments after the train has left the station
and me
wishing i could have jumped on

setting the prisoner free

when i finally forgive myself it is night time
and only the streetlights are awake
i run
and for the first time since the starting gun
i move forwards

at the intersection, traffic lights
searing red, but i only accelerate because
there are no cars, the road
swept clean of movement

and then it all falls into place
how the hush lets me believe there is still
something to salvage, i can leave
broken glass on the lip of the sidewalk, return
the next day to find a crystal ball
that fogs like your breath against my skin

and then i read a book i don’t already know
the ending to
believe there is still something left for me
in the unknown, so hold my hand as we lie
on the sand, fingertips millimetres from
where the waves creep to find us
then jump
into the harbour at night
australian summer, 33 degrees

because forgiveness is feeling safe even as
the bush fire turns the corner
onto our street, and finding peace in
the palms of a grenade, promising
to never let my grandmother’s pendant
hang so heavily between my breasts again

knowing that you
are just a dream i will wake up screaming from

dorian gray

because the scent of inebriation
served over synthesisers meant nothing
had changed
because you were right in front of me
and i liked the acute angle my head takes to reach your lips

because i wanted to

you reel in the tension
stretched, between us like a violin string
and we bump fragile hearts like fists
you kiss me like the brakes are broken
and we’ve just glimpsed the end of the road
maybe if we condense enough us into the next few seconds
your fingers tangled in my hair will become a road map
my hands splayed across your back, wings

darl, i am so tired of being the gravity
in a lullaby of helium
for once i want to be the climax
nothing else, a mistake
we don’t ever regret making
hold a switchblade to the throat of consequences
even if we never leave
the sunlight zone
even if i wake up the next morning drenched
in dampened silence, and somewhere
someone
renames me janus

quick, before the crows come home
paint a picture of this and display it deep
in an abyss sheathed with loose lips

i don’t want to remember it
but i don’t ever want to forget it

sleeping at last

instead of telling _ i miss him
i write yet another letter he will never read
say, i know this is getting old, i‘m sorry
but also kind of not
, because you are so oblivious
to the stack of envelopes beneath my pillow

how long? before you forget me like your high school french
perhaps there are a certain bulk of our memories
that must keep watch in this world
so the more you work to discard them
the more they are thrust into my opaque heart

but last night i dreamt of myself in ten years
she tells me about kisses in the rain, at the tops of ferris wheels
of single red roses at candlelit dinners
i will be written into these moments one day
and i will put down _’s pen, never to pick it up again

funny how, someday this will all seem so youthfully foolish
when falling in love won’t have hurt so much
there will no longer be a need for unsent mail
someday when we have found new bodies to fall asleep against
this can finally all be put to bed