it’s not your fault

the father left but someone needs to be blamed
let a small body thrive off wrongful accusations
and its only instinct will be to apologise
i keep the questions to myself
i keep the things i want to tell you to myself
until you tell me not to so i don’t
but it always ends with screaming, or crying, or both
you ask why and i say i’m sorry
i think about how you taught me to never talk to strangers
but how we probably should
in an open room on a sage couch, across from one with a notebook
maybe it’s time to talk about forgetting to turn off the hallway light again
or leaving it on purposefully
it’s hard to be sure when you’re that scared of the dark
and because you calling me selfish for wanting to be happy
hurts almost as much as it does to remember being 7 years old
when happy
was all i ever wanted for you
i promise

21 thoughts on “it’s not your fault

  1. Woodsy says:

    Sad,
    beautiful
    and totally relatable,
    all at once –
    a piece I can swim in to remember all the reasons why this is like this…
    and the part if me that truly knows it is doing better than I sometimes think.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Teresa Norman says:

    OMG – thank you for sharing this painfully beautiful glimpse of reality. I have been both the 7 year old, and the mother of a child still trying to recover from the things that happened in our lives….very meaningful poem

    Liked by 2 people

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