full circle

instead of going home at nine
like i had promised my mother
i let him talk me into staying out past midnight
because I think this is what being young is all about

that night i have a dream about intimacy
there is a darker shade of skin against mine
my hair is so long it swathes me like a cloak
that he doesn’t hesitate to fissure

the next day i let myself fall, the good kind
one that can almost be mistaken for flying
it rains and for once i don’t miss your voice
and i think, perhaps my body is allowed to take up space

but then, my eyes
brush against something that might be your regret
the e string straining from heart to brain gives
and i am hopeful again, the way i dreamt i wouldn’t be

i stumble to you in a patchwork soul
one that you hold at arm’s distance, still not enough
and i wonder why i still sing for you
when you hear my words like metal grating metal

at home, i watch the girl in the mirror who cannot stop crying
there is a plant on my desk that needs watering
this is familiar, i think i have been here before
all this later, and i’m back to where you first left me

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20 thoughts on “full circle

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