Catharsis

And even afterwards, you had a way of leaking back into my life,
Seeping into my words like a broken fountain pen.
No, perhaps ‘flooding’ is more appropriate, the way
You exuded my mind as a swarm of writing prompts,
Sweeping through, making a home in all my emptiness,
Romanticising the way loneliness wrapped its tendrils around my neck;
Mascara-smudged eyes, ice-cream binge clichés,
Offering a vaccine to writer’s block
(How could a writer, of all people, refuse that?)

But of all the words that have slipped from my mouth,
Of all the words that you so unknowingly stained,
These will be the last, I am sure of it,
For there must be lighter things to write about
Than bleeding hearts and charred souls.

I am finally sick of the forced giggles and loud voices that
Push through these lips – my lips, that walked into other lips the way you walked out of my life,
Desperate to show you I’d moved on already, as if it were a key competition;
Fighting through to the finals, only to find you never even bothered to register.

How pathetic it was, for me to enthuse about letting go,
Only to spend more nights writing about you
(If you can’t beat the pain, embellish it).
A hundred and twenty five hurricanes later, and I finally realise
You can never truly be free from something you’ve glued your palms onto-
Even if you loosen your fingers, pull away, you’re still holding on.
But the rain has finally ceased, so let the sun-rays melt this glue.
Don’t you worry about me losing my grip-
My hands have finally found other things they want to reach for.

There may be less to write about now,
But at least I have nothing left to prove;
Not to myself, and especially not to you.
At least I’ve finally reclaimed my life,
No longer living an existence designed to make you miss me.
At last I can laugh today, properly, without thinking to myself
“See, I can be happy without you.”

And so now I sleep with the windows open,
Wearing nothing but filtered moonlight-
Gentle curves and soft skin against ivory satin sheets;
This body is mine, mine alone.
It is a liberating moment to realise
I belong to no one.

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33 thoughts on “Catharsis

  1. pennygadd51 says:

    What a delight! What a gem! There are so many beautiful images.

    “you had a way of leaking back into my life,
    Seeping into my words like a broken fountain pen”

    “Of all the words that you so unknowingly stained,”

    “You can never truly be free from something you’ve glued your palms onto”

    “Don’t you worry about me losing my grip-
    My hands have finally found other things they want to reach for.”

    “Wearing nothing but filtered moonlight-”

    You are just such a good writer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heartbeatingwings says:

      Oh, thank you! This piece is probably one of the most meaningful to me. I had so many things I wanted to convey, and it took so long finding the right way to express them. So, so glad you liked it! xx

      Like

  2. delphini510 says:

    This lines ” At last I can laugh today, properly, without thinking to myself
    “See, I can be happy without you.” “. make me happy as you have broken out of the vicious circle. Beautifully written poem.🌠 .
    miriam

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elysian Huyz says:

    Desperate to show you I’d moved on already, as if it were a key competition;
    Fighting through to the finals, only to find you never even bothered to register.

    How pathetic it was, for me to enthuse about letting go,
    Only to spend more nights writing about you

    I know exactly how that feels and it amazes me how you put it so perfectly. Wow!

    Liked by 1 person

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